no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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