Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will be naked everywhere
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
