You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Floor bacon is actually really good
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
