Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
