yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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