All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
