So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
