We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
