She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
