Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
