You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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