sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
