Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
