if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
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I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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