it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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