that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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