im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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