no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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