One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
