Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
