I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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