I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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