I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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