Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
