she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
