so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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