He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
