He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
