is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
