There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
