just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize