Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
