What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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