Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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