dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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