Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
