I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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