you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
