yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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