The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
