Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
