I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
