I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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