i just google imaged poop.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
