Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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