i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
