a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now