How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.