I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful