before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.