yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
