my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am naked and annoyed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
