Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
