this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Damn victory sex feels great
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
