I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
