"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
