Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
