if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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