Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize