I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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