cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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