Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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